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Beth Rodden - Self Love

Beth Rodden climbing

A little over one year ago, before the world turned upside down, I was bouldering in Camp 4 on a warm fall morning...

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Our son was in his first few months of Kindergarten and I was getting used to having a few hours of solo time and coherent thoughts in my life again.

I grew up in the first generation of kid climbers. Climbing gyms started to pop up across the country in the early ’90s and I was part of the group of kids that started climbing and competing with our heroes. When I think back to it now, it was an extraordinary experience and a unique and lucky time to start climbing. It wasn’t a popular sport yet, but it had enough opportunity to give us the chance to turn our passion into our profession. Many of us did just that, I was in good company with Chris Sharma, Dave Graham, and Tommy Caldwell, to name a few. But one thing that I glossed over for most of the height of my career was the innate and entrenched issue with body image and eating disorders within the community.

For me, I didn’t see it as a problem, just another tool or unspoken rule that everyone followed. It wasn’t something to push against, but instead, just smile and add it to my ways to achieve. At many photoshoots I was asked to suck in my stomach or tuck it into my harness, to make me fit the mold of the tired dialogue that we all abided by.

Beth Rodden bouldering

In my early 30’s I started suffering long periods of issues with injuries. From shoulder surgery to constant tendon and ligament tweaks, my body started to break down after nearly two decades pushing the sport forward. I felt even more resentment towards my body, which I then viewed as mainly a tool to achieve success and my loft goals and dreams.

After having our son, things started to slowly change for me. My physical postpartum journey was slow and full of bumps and sent me into another state of resentment of my body. I wanted to be like my friends or heroes or women in the magazines. I didn’t want to be the person stuck in bed, letting things heal. But as our son grew, I saw how much of a sponge he was. I became keenly aware of my actions and words around him, and honestly, there were zero positive things I was saying about my body.

“When do I get rid of this?” I said jokingly to my friends' one-day bouldering, grabbing my now softer, saggier stomach.

Beth Rodden belly

I saw our son and his friend staring at us, unsure of what we were talking about, but acutely aware that it was in response to our bodies and how they looked.

Growing up in the climbing gym and at the crags, I was constantly barraged by weight tied to worth and worth being tied to sending. People’s bodies were constantly criticized and that was reinforced by what we all saw in magazines and eventually on screens.

On that warm fall day over a year ago, I climbed on a boulder next to the trail. There were no climbers around so I took off my t-shirt and climbed in my sports bra. My postpartum body is softer and saggier and I have rolls over my pants now. I tried every diet and workout known but I just couldn’t ever get my old body back. This sparked the familiar self-loathing and covering up with a baggy t-shirt. But at some point that just became exhausting and felt silly. That day I decided to keep my shirt off, even when hikers passed by. I climbed something that day that I hadn’t been able to climb since before I was pregnant. It opened my eyes to the fact that perhaps our community has put too much emphasis on weight and promoting a certain body type for success and happiness.

Beth Rodden smiling in front of climbing wall

For the past year or two, I’ve been kinder to my body. I’ve realized that what I say to others and to myself matters. That the tired dialogue in our community needs to be changed. What if we want to have a healthier more inclusive environment for our kids to grow up in, we need to start with ourselves. I’ve been able to climb things that I tried in the peak of my career, that I tried at the same time as Meltdown (5.14c trad in Yosemite) and couldn’t do back then. This has only further cemented that a particular body type or size is not a window into success or worth. A little love can go a long way.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

 Beth RoddenBeth Rodden is a member of the La Sportiva Climbing Team.

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Mar 25, 2021, 7:26:00 AM
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